No Sex in the City =)

"Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. 

If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen."

Henry Cloud

So I must admit that as I prepared to make this journey to a new land I did have the thought that maybe God is sending me here to find my husband. At least that was the opinion of a lot people that I met as I prepared for this journey. It didn't make sense to those outside of my family that a single, non-military woman of Christian faith will willingly just show up to a foreign country on her own with no family. SHE MUST BE IN SEARCH FOR A HUSBAND!

I remember various conversations from women that I met during the summer:
"Wow, you're going to Kuwait and your single? God is going to bless you with a husband."
"A Muslim guy doesn't date to date, they date to marry. That will be good for you."
"I had a friend who went overseas, and met her husband as soon as she landed," (I heard several of those stories).
"You're still young, you will find the right guy for you there," (just a reference to my age).
Even my mom (who didn't have much of an opinion on dating) got into the act a little bit, "I just don't want to have a Not Without My Daughter Incident."
 Etc., etc. etc.

I do admit that as much as people talked, I did allow the little phrases and quotes seep into my mind. I can't help it, I am girl. And although I try to ignore the hopeless romantic in me, I still have this latent hope that I will be blessed with a husband, a guy truly designed just for me. On the other hand, the cynic in me feels that will never happen or that I will fall in love with some random guy who uses me for an American citizenship.

So imagine my shock last week when I actually had intelligent men (yes, multiple) flirt with me that were not American or taxi drivers and secure in their jobs and citizenship (I haven't had a week like that since....Well it's been awhile). I even went on a date last week, which was a very traditional date that I have only read about in my secret chick lit folder on my kindle: Guy picks girl up on time in clean vehicle. Guy opens all doors during the date. Guy laces flirty phrases with good conversation. Guy delivers girl home in one piece with no funny business. Guy wants to go out again. I think the nicest part was the fact that I was not accosted at the end of the date, something that as an American girl we tend to get used to, or figure out a quick exit plan in case something like that happens. If this is dating in the Middle East, I'll take it.

But unfortunately  it's not that easy. Because at the end of the day in this country or any country, you have to figure out the intentions of the people you go out with, along with your own. Because honestly if the guy is Muslim, they do date for marriage and companionship. And although the American point of view is a more in the school of hit and quit it when it comes to dating, my perspective is filtered through the prism of my faith and my family.  So I have to figure out what my intentions are, who I am as a woman, and who I would like to be in a relationship.

I do think back to my last serious relationship, and being in the space of distance and time, you reflect on who you were in that relationship, and who you do not want to be in the next one. Was I fully, truly myself? Were they? Hindsight being 20/20, what would you do differently? But the thing about the past is that its best to learn from it and move forward than moving backwards always. What I did learn about myself is that I have got to speak up and say what I feel, damn the consequences.

And that will be my approach here. I think that as long as I am truly, authentically myself, I will be the better person for it. My best relationships stem from my honesty and my vulnerability. That is just me, and that will not change. But what I will not do is date with a big blinking light on my forehead flashing "Looking for husband." I instead will allow myself to be open to meeting people, and being my true authentic self.

Social Class and Acceptance

"We must stop thinking of the individual and start thinking about what is best for society."

Hillary Clinton

I started this week getting my first paycheck. Although I knew my amount (I did agree to what was in my contract), the realization that I could pay down my debt while also not living on noodles and tuna during my time here became a little heavy. So much so that I haven't had the courage to even touch my paycheck or do anything yet.

With the discussion of first pay comes the discussion of plans for the first pay. Several people are now making plans for their trips during the holiday in October and going home for Christmas. Others are doing the numbers game like I am figuring what needs to go home and what needs to stay, to take care of student loans, mortgages, and family responsibilities. But the other discussion that people have been having has been centered around getting maids.

I have thoughts about the whole maid thing. Having someone come into my apartment to clean up after me I think is a little lazy. It's just me, and although I tend to get a little junky, I keep a clean house. The fear of roaches and little bugs appearing because of my laziness is the biggest thing that prevents me from totally trashing a place and leaving food out regularly. The other issue I have is just this thought of employing someone to do cheap labor. I didn't even realize that feeling until I was talking with a friend this week.

So of course I called my mom, and of course she supplied some wisdom into the whole perspective. She reminded me about the research I conducted prior to coming here about how I told her that there were distinct differences in workers in this economy, and how I said people here get paid very little and that many take on these jobs to send money home to their families. Then she started to talk about the Jeffersons, and how Florence was a friend to the family, although she gave them lip, she just wanted to be respected for her work. At the end of the day, its my job to help someone and treat them with dignity and pay fairly to do work that helps their family.

There are definite class distinctions here. The Kuwaitis really do not work because of their investments in oil and in other areas. But the working class scale goes as such: Westerners are here to educate and help build industry, South Asians provide the retail customer service help, and Indian/Sri Lankan/Bangladesh workers do the labor (there is a different category in regards to taxi drivers, which I will have to write about later). It is the Indian/Sri Lankan workers that have it pretty bad, getting paid maybe 2KD (about $6.50) a week to do the hard labor. Many depend on the maid jobs just to send money home.

I thought about that all weekend as I looked at the country where I am living and working. I even shopped at a yard sale to help with a cause that supplies clothes, shoes, food, and tickets home to the workers who can't afford to. Every little bit that I do, really truly has an impact on someone else.

Although I have not hired a maid yet, I am going to do it. I need to get over myself and realize that I am doing my part to help society here. It's just odd to me that I have never been in a financial position to do just that. 

Take a Walk

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, 

and that has made all the difference." 

Robert Frost

I come back into my air conditioned, furnished apartment in search of a bottle of water; only to realize that the one thing I left my apartment for I did not get. But received the clarity that I soo needed.

I was frustrated when I decided to go for a walk today. Living in my yellow western ex-pat tower, with views overlooking the suburb of Hawalli, I looked down at all the men heading to service this morning. And here I am, the only person in my building that tends to naturally wake-up before 7am. 

I was frustrated because I do feel like a bit of a loaner. As much as I enjoy meeting people, and even hanging out on occasion, I do prefer the company of a good book and a glass of iced tea (my substitute for wine since this is a dry county). But its easy to enjoy your own company in the US when you have your own car, access to multiple choices, and the comfort in knowing that help is never that far away if you need it.  It was this morning when it finally set in that something is missing or lacking in my life. The good book travels well with an old school kindle, there are multiple choices within my area, if you're willing to endure sexual harassment from taxi drivers. But the one thing I am missing is the confidence in the help that is present in my life here. 

My confidence at the beginning of this journey in my life stemmed from my faith in God, my family, and the extremely close friends who know my fears and desires. And although I can call on the Lord whenever and wherever, I can't call my friends or drop by on my family anytime I want. And slowly I realized that I was starting to lose my confidence in my being here and in myself. So I said to my inner spirit, "Get up Chris, take a walk."

I took my shower, put on some black jogging pants and a black t-shirt with my bug eye shades. I reached into my fridge to get a bottle of water, forgetting that I ran out of it last night. But, I threw my braids into a ponytail and threw some headphones into my ears, and I walked anyway. 106 degrees of dry heat but I left the protected comfort of my apartment to venture out into my neighborhood, to get some water at least. I followed the cars, and the people to find myself on a main road. Because I blocked out the noises of the honking horns and disrespectful men, I was able to pay attention to the things around me. Like the fact that there is a pet shop around the corner where I sometimes grab a bite to eat. Or the location of another international school that seems to sit behind the road where I live. That there are three bakala's (convenience stores) near my home and school. To eventually ending up in Kuwait's version of a TJ Maxx. 

When I left the store (after making a couple of purchases) I found myself in the middle of a large group of men heading towards their cars after prayer. And although it made me a little nervous, I walked to the side and with some distance. And the men who even looked my way, gave me a nod of respect and didn't interrupt my path. Even rounding the corner to my home, and I catch some guy in a red Mercedes honking at me, trying to get my attention, I ignored him (although what I really wanted to do was flip him the finger like I was back at home). Instead, I went down a side alley to make sure he didn't see where I lived.

When I got back into my apartment, I realized that I needed that walk. I needed to be able to begin to trust my instincts again and appreciate what is around me. That I am truly blessed to be here, and that this road less traveled is the best thing for me. My confidence will always stem from my faith; I know that my family and true friends will support me wherever I am; but trust in others and this situation can only truly happen when I begin to trust fully in myself. Now its time to go get some water.