The Skin I'm In

"What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful than the garment with which it is clothed?"

Michelangelo

So I must admit that I enjoy my job. I get to meet interesting students, network with colleges, work with a staff that can go from Arabic to English in a millisecond.... For a girl who has loved being in diverse places all of her life, this job is a little bit of living out a dream.

On the other hand, the reality that plaques even the most privileged and comes up so often is the issue of race and shade. I was talking with a student today who comes from privilege but feels that she isn't pretty because of she does not look like her family. If they were in the US, her parents would probably be mistaken as Hispanic or mixed heritage, while she appears white. On the ever important college applications, students are confused about what to mark as their race. Are they white? Are they Asian? Are they more than just an Other? What to mark?

I was very naive to think and believe that in a country where all different shades exist, that the hangups of race  would not be an issue. It's not really race as much as it's shade of skin.

I think back into the history of countries like the USA, like South Africa, that the shade of skin determined your place in life. The lighter the skin, the better off you would be to society; but among your race, depending on the time in history, the lighter the skin the less black you were. Heaven forbid if you used complete sentences or did not dress a certain way. I know that a significant part of my life among classmates, and even among some family, white girl was the moniker given to me. But it took my parents, and my faith to help me become comfortable with who I was. Although my life and views are ever evolving, I have learned to embrace my skin tone, my shade.

I don't know what to say to students when this issue comes up. I am normally at a loss of words because I know how they feel about shade of skin. And the goal in conversations with students is to not sound like a greeting card or a commercial. I do ask them how does that make them feel, or how do they overcome. But I also share a piece of wisdom that I feel that has been shared with me. That is simply that yes people see the outside and make assumptions, positive and negative. But it takes a strength, patience, wisdom, and a little bit of time for people to see and understand the kind of person you are. That is the lasting impression that matters. Not exactly the skin that you are in. 

Same Same....But Different

"People are pretty much alike. It's only that our differences are more susceptible to definition than our similarities." 

Linda Ellerbee

It was 2:30 pm and the bell just rang in the high school as students prepared to head for home. Normally, students hang out in the counseling office, or in the hallways and stairwells waiting for clubs or sports activities. But today was a bit different because after school activities were cancelled due to a large summit in Kuwait City. Highways and byways will be blocked; the commute home just a bit longer than usual.

I was in my supervisors office just talking to him for a moment, and we both stared out the picture frame window that overlooks the parking lot of the high school. We watched as our students got into the backs of their fancy cars, watching their nannies struggle with their backpacks, getting ready to head home. A sight unfamiliar to both of us because we did not grow up with privilege. In all honesty, I think my life was more privileged than his, but both of our families struggled to make things better for us.

Its in times like this that I think about my students at West Gary the most. I admit that I was very close to my students. Almost taking on a big sister, motherly role in a way. For some reason God blessed me this ability to have a heart for them while also not letting up when they made poor choices. I truly loved my students, and I truly miss them, but at the same time I know that they are well because I am doing well.

I continue to look out the window at the groups of students walking to the local bakala (convenience store). I remarked to my friend that although they may have money, there are many similarities between these students and in my former students who seem to not have as much. They are Same Same, But Different (a phrase used locally to describe how certain things are similar, in clothing, in food, in life). For example:

Uniform violations are a daily thing- Same Same. Kids here try to rock hats with their uniforms, they hate the colors, and try every possible way to add their own twist of fashion to what they are wearing. The different part is that they can wear whatever shoes they want while my former students did but got in trouble for them.

Sneaking to the store or getting food before, during, and after school- Same Same. My former students were famous for sneaking to the local gas station before getting on the bus or as soon as the bus hit the school building, or their parents/family friends/even teachers would make restaurant runs for them because lunch normally sucks. The students here do the exact same thing, except the difference here is that instead of going to the gas station up the street like my former students, they have their corner stores or have their help go get their items.

Ditching in the counselor office- Same Same. As hard as I tried with my students at West Gary, they knew exactly the right thing to say to hang in my office and get out of class. Or stop by on the way to the bathroom, or their locker, or leaving the principal's office. No difference. The kids here do the same, except the load is shared with two brilliant co-workers and an Egyptian mom in the form of the office secretary.

Talking in class, all the time- Same Same. The biggest issue I have heard from teachers is that students constantly talk all the time. They never seem to know when to shut up. That goes for the students in Kuwait and my former students at home. The only difference is that here the students do know how to be quiet during testing.

Concern for each other- Same Same. Students here and at home just seem to be able to put differences to the side when things get rough. We recently had a student whose parent died in their sleep. The outpouring of support and love towards the kid was unparalleled  except for when my former students took care of each other in the face of tragedy. The openness in their spirit is just amazing, no matter who their families are or what side of town they live on. No difference.

My excitement in their goals and dreams- Same Same. I never thought that there would be room in my heart for another set of kids, with another set of hopes and dreams, but somehow my spirit gets fed even more when they share what they want to accomplish, or finish a task or a plan that they spent time in putting together coming to light. The only difference is that I know I am missing out on soo much back at home, but embracing all the new that is set before me.

Through it all, it is because of my former students that I am able to be a part of this experience. They are probably the biggest reason that I have embraced who I am as an educator/counselor and held on to pieces of me that are the same, but given me enough faith to know that my path just simply had to be different. 

Call to Prayer

"Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words, then words without  a heart." 

Mahatma Gandhi

My eyes fluttered open at 3:30am. I know because I stared at my bedside clock, figuring out how long it will be before my alarm goes off (2 hours). So I laid in bed willing myself to go back to sleep, and then I hear a voice from outside: It's time for today's call to prayer. Now I can't go back to sleep.

So I open my windows and listen to the voice blaring outside from a tower not faraway from my home. I look down on the streets of Hawalli, watching men scramble towards the mosque a few blocks away. There is a glimpse of the the sky beginning to lighten over the horizon of the Gulf,  and I begin to wonder: why do they pray so much?

Living in this Muslim country, it still amazes me the number of times a practitioner of this faith goes into prayer. The Adhan (Call to Prayer) is the first thing that you do in the morning, and last thing you do when you go to bed. According to Beliefnet.com, having someone call others to prayer was approved by the Muslim prophet as a way to gather everyone together. The person who does it has to have a beautiful, clear voice. The more melodious of the voice, the more beautiful the Adhan. Praying five times a day is one of the pillars of Islam. With each prayer there are movements and supplications one must do. As a follower stated through CNN's Belief Blog, you stop what you doing and you pray making sure that you are doing the right things.

Now, I am not typing this to say I am converting or anything, but I think there is a point to all of this from a Christian point of view. Taking time to truly pray to God often can be a wonderful practice. Maybe some of you who read this blog may already do their own version of the Adhan in their daily life. I know that one of my faults is that I don't do a full on my knees prayer everyday. I pray in the shower, while I walk, sometimes at my desk, but I see those things as sometimes being a little lazy. But getting on your knees praying to God, can be a wonderful thing.

I remember as a kid having to recite the Lord's Prayer in church, and thinking that why did Jesus have to pray? Isn't he God? But even looking at that prayer, it was about praising, thanking and supplication. I do not profess to be Bible scholar. Actually, some of my Christian acquaintances believe I am a little to "liberal" with my point of view of faith, but ultimately I do feel that there is something that we can learn from a little bit more prayer discipline.

I do not know if I will start praying five times a day and use the prayer room that the school provides to students and staff. I know that I am not planning to convert. But I do know that when I rolled out of my bed at 4am this morning and got on my knees, I was grateful to do it. And maybe the loud speaker call to prayer for Muslims, can be integrated into my own walk of faith. Maybe if I take the mind out of prayer and bring in more of my heart, my call to prayer will be just as beautiful as the voice that rings out over the streets of my home here in Kuwait. 

No Sex in the City =)

"Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. 

If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen."

Henry Cloud

So I must admit that as I prepared to make this journey to a new land I did have the thought that maybe God is sending me here to find my husband. At least that was the opinion of a lot people that I met as I prepared for this journey. It didn't make sense to those outside of my family that a single, non-military woman of Christian faith will willingly just show up to a foreign country on her own with no family. SHE MUST BE IN SEARCH FOR A HUSBAND!

I remember various conversations from women that I met during the summer:
"Wow, you're going to Kuwait and your single? God is going to bless you with a husband."
"A Muslim guy doesn't date to date, they date to marry. That will be good for you."
"I had a friend who went overseas, and met her husband as soon as she landed," (I heard several of those stories).
"You're still young, you will find the right guy for you there," (just a reference to my age).
Even my mom (who didn't have much of an opinion on dating) got into the act a little bit, "I just don't want to have a Not Without My Daughter Incident."
 Etc., etc. etc.

I do admit that as much as people talked, I did allow the little phrases and quotes seep into my mind. I can't help it, I am girl. And although I try to ignore the hopeless romantic in me, I still have this latent hope that I will be blessed with a husband, a guy truly designed just for me. On the other hand, the cynic in me feels that will never happen or that I will fall in love with some random guy who uses me for an American citizenship.

So imagine my shock last week when I actually had intelligent men (yes, multiple) flirt with me that were not American or taxi drivers and secure in their jobs and citizenship (I haven't had a week like that since....Well it's been awhile). I even went on a date last week, which was a very traditional date that I have only read about in my secret chick lit folder on my kindle: Guy picks girl up on time in clean vehicle. Guy opens all doors during the date. Guy laces flirty phrases with good conversation. Guy delivers girl home in one piece with no funny business. Guy wants to go out again. I think the nicest part was the fact that I was not accosted at the end of the date, something that as an American girl we tend to get used to, or figure out a quick exit plan in case something like that happens. If this is dating in the Middle East, I'll take it.

But unfortunately  it's not that easy. Because at the end of the day in this country or any country, you have to figure out the intentions of the people you go out with, along with your own. Because honestly if the guy is Muslim, they do date for marriage and companionship. And although the American point of view is a more in the school of hit and quit it when it comes to dating, my perspective is filtered through the prism of my faith and my family.  So I have to figure out what my intentions are, who I am as a woman, and who I would like to be in a relationship.

I do think back to my last serious relationship, and being in the space of distance and time, you reflect on who you were in that relationship, and who you do not want to be in the next one. Was I fully, truly myself? Were they? Hindsight being 20/20, what would you do differently? But the thing about the past is that its best to learn from it and move forward than moving backwards always. What I did learn about myself is that I have got to speak up and say what I feel, damn the consequences.

And that will be my approach here. I think that as long as I am truly, authentically myself, I will be the better person for it. My best relationships stem from my honesty and my vulnerability. That is just me, and that will not change. But what I will not do is date with a big blinking light on my forehead flashing "Looking for husband." I instead will allow myself to be open to meeting people, and being my true authentic self.