"Life is a song-sing it. Life is a game-play it. Life is a challenge-meet it. Life is a dream-realize it. Life is a sacrifice-offer it. Life is love- enjoy it."
Sai Baba
It had been a rough start to 2013 for me. I admit that I went into this "all by myself,"phase for a moment, avoiding all things social with exception to work. Its a habit that I have developed over the years for self-preservation. In addition, things were going downhill rapidly with a kid I was working with outside of work. I was hit with an awful respiratory issue that I couldn't shake, and my scale was starting to creep back up. My positive energy slowly began seeping into a negative realm that I did not enjoy. The one thing I had going on, rugby practice, being slowly put on the back burner to deal with my kid, heal myself. Instead it became the Christina Laziness Show starring take out and my television.
Then two things happened: a hookup from my local pharmacy and the cancellation of services for my kid. I went to the pharmacy after a night of hanging out with friends at a Murder Mystery party, and the older woman in a hijab heard my cough. She said: "You come here." She then peppered me with questions in her broken English: "Mucus yellow? Hurts when cough? Warm?" I nodded yes to all those questions. She proceeded to give me a box of antibiotics, cough syrup, and mucinex, all at a reasonable cost. "You rest, feel better," is what she ordered me.
The cancellation of my kid came around that same time. That was a blessing in disguise because as much as I wanted to continue (it was extra travel money), it wasn't good for him and it wasn't for me either. I went home most nights frustrated, too tired to care about anything else. When I had a week where I didn't have to see him, I felt almost sad that I was happy not to see him. I got stuff done, did my laundry, went to bed at a decent hour.... I didn't miss him or what I was doing. And it freed me of any excuse not to go to practice. Even after his service was over, and I was invited to help with another case, instead of doing it I declined. It was the smartest decision I think I ever made.
So now that my sickness was handled and my services no longer needed, it freed me to go to practice with no excuses. My personal game changer so to speak. But I wasn't ready to play in a tournament. At least I thought I wasn't.
We landed early Friday morning in the UAE, and with little to no sleep because I was nervous and a little afraid. Doubt filled my head, and of course the regular round of self-pity and doubt reared its nasty head. But I got up and prayed to God that whatever happens happen, that we will be safe, and that if he could permit, just make sure I didn't have to play. But as we all know, no matter what God you believe in, you may not get what you want, but you will get what He thinks you need.
I made some tiny mistakes in the first game but we pulled it out. The second game we played hard and had a slim lost. By the third game we had a rhythm and clearly defined areas, while by the fourth we were aggressive and pushed through. As a team we talked to each other, listened, and most importantly had some fun. And we won our division! And I had a hand in that! OMG! I didn't pass out and we waked away with some scratches, some bruises, and some minor injuries. Although we limped, we had our celebratory drinks and had a good time overall.
I wouldn't have been able to enjoy any of it if I was still sick and still trying to work with that kid. Instead, I feel as if I was being told that I can't be like everyone else and I need to enjoy my time here and get well. So here I am, trying my best to not envy what others have in regards to making extra money or being in perfect shape. Instead I am simply trying to live this life, my life, and the life I had been called to live. The game of life I think is one of individual pursuits, helped by those to help shape your thoughts and feelings. I am deciding that although it will be hard, living my life and playing the game without envy and regret will probably be the best thing for me to make it through. And ultimately, I will win this game no matter what.
