"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
Eleanor Roosevelt
One of my favorite pastimes since moving to this country is to read the crime section in the Arabian Times or the Kuwait Times (two English language papers in the area). The blotter is written like an American celebrity magazine with the strangely weird, the minor celebrity plug, or the disturbing images of crime that happens to maids and hired help. When I run across an interesting story that catches my eye, I have to find someone to tell. I don't know why! Maybe it is human nature.
The same can be said about interesting news that happens to ex-pats in this area. The circle of teachers and contractors is tiny. Spend an evening at a major event and you will probably run into some teacher who hooked up with some contractor, who may be dating that person's ex who works at another school. And you can try to be above it all and ignore the information, but you can't help but listen. Being honest, I do take a moment and think, "who can I tell about this?" Most times I ignore it, but honestly, the longer I stay here, the more nosy I have become.
I used to not be this way.
My co-workers in the past would mostly say that I tried my best to not be in the mix of information. It didn't win me a lot of friends, but it shored up a reputation that I could be trusted, and that I wasn't a gossip. It made for many lonely lunches at times, but I was simply happy to not be in the middle of all the drama. My focus was always on my clients, my students, my family. If I told anything it was to my best friends who live in Central Indiana and Texas. Sometimes it was a great relief to spill stuff about the crazy adults I worked with, knowing that those two trusted people did not know who I was talking about. I talked to my mom a lot, because she always managed to bring insight and honesty when I just needed to talk. Although they are only a phone call away, its not the same. You have to factor in work schedules and time differences, life differences.
Its different here because the people you work with, you also live with, ride with, and hangout with on the weekends. Its not the same because at times you just want to talk to somebody about the crazy of the day who knows exactly what you are going through. You develop quick bonds because you may have been on the same plane together, you work on the same floor, or you are neighbors. The lines get blurry almost too quickly. Conversations begin to merge dangerously between the facts and the opinions. It's a scary place to be; especially when you used to be a person who could physically separate out work relationships with personal relationships.
Today was my day that I fully became a gossip.
It happened innocently enough. We were talking about some directive that came in the wake of a little scandal. I mentioned that it had been a crazy week, and because I assumed that every knew because I was normally late to the gossip dance, I spilled the beans on someone else's issue. Then I allowed speculation to happen to go along with it. When I got off the bus, and reached my apartment, I realized that in less than 2 minutes I became a 14 year old teenager again.
That scared the crap out of me. It really did.....
Because at the end of the day, you don't want to be known as a person who is a gossip. The ex-pat world is too small to be seen as that kind of person. The struggle, however, is how to separate yourself from it when its hard to keep personal away from professional. No amount of training can prepare you for that. I constantly have to tell myself something that my mother has always told me: "Remember who you are and whose you are."
I can't reverse my mistake. Some may even say that its not that big of a deal. But whenever I start to feel pieces of my spirit and character begin to be chipped away, it is a big freakin' deal. I want to be known as a great mind, a great person, and a woman of good character. I know now that this will be a big issue for me to overcome. But all I can do is accept my faults, move forward, and keep my damn mouth shut.
