Take a Walk

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, 

and that has made all the difference." 

Robert Frost

I come back into my air conditioned, furnished apartment in search of a bottle of water; only to realize that the one thing I left my apartment for I did not get. But received the clarity that I soo needed.

I was frustrated when I decided to go for a walk today. Living in my yellow western ex-pat tower, with views overlooking the suburb of Hawalli, I looked down at all the men heading to service this morning. And here I am, the only person in my building that tends to naturally wake-up before 7am. 

I was frustrated because I do feel like a bit of a loaner. As much as I enjoy meeting people, and even hanging out on occasion, I do prefer the company of a good book and a glass of iced tea (my substitute for wine since this is a dry county). But its easy to enjoy your own company in the US when you have your own car, access to multiple choices, and the comfort in knowing that help is never that far away if you need it.  It was this morning when it finally set in that something is missing or lacking in my life. The good book travels well with an old school kindle, there are multiple choices within my area, if you're willing to endure sexual harassment from taxi drivers. But the one thing I am missing is the confidence in the help that is present in my life here. 

My confidence at the beginning of this journey in my life stemmed from my faith in God, my family, and the extremely close friends who know my fears and desires. And although I can call on the Lord whenever and wherever, I can't call my friends or drop by on my family anytime I want. And slowly I realized that I was starting to lose my confidence in my being here and in myself. So I said to my inner spirit, "Get up Chris, take a walk."

I took my shower, put on some black jogging pants and a black t-shirt with my bug eye shades. I reached into my fridge to get a bottle of water, forgetting that I ran out of it last night. But, I threw my braids into a ponytail and threw some headphones into my ears, and I walked anyway. 106 degrees of dry heat but I left the protected comfort of my apartment to venture out into my neighborhood, to get some water at least. I followed the cars, and the people to find myself on a main road. Because I blocked out the noises of the honking horns and disrespectful men, I was able to pay attention to the things around me. Like the fact that there is a pet shop around the corner where I sometimes grab a bite to eat. Or the location of another international school that seems to sit behind the road where I live. That there are three bakala's (convenience stores) near my home and school. To eventually ending up in Kuwait's version of a TJ Maxx. 

When I left the store (after making a couple of purchases) I found myself in the middle of a large group of men heading towards their cars after prayer. And although it made me a little nervous, I walked to the side and with some distance. And the men who even looked my way, gave me a nod of respect and didn't interrupt my path. Even rounding the corner to my home, and I catch some guy in a red Mercedes honking at me, trying to get my attention, I ignored him (although what I really wanted to do was flip him the finger like I was back at home). Instead, I went down a side alley to make sure he didn't see where I lived.

When I got back into my apartment, I realized that I needed that walk. I needed to be able to begin to trust my instincts again and appreciate what is around me. That I am truly blessed to be here, and that this road less traveled is the best thing for me. My confidence will always stem from my faith; I know that my family and true friends will support me wherever I am; but trust in others and this situation can only truly happen when I begin to trust fully in myself. Now its time to go get some water.